Looks like it’s time for another personal tumblr post about thoughts and stuff.

Felt suddenly challenged to take my faith more seriously. And I don’t mean to try harder to be pious, to pray more, to learn what I can, to do the things that “Catholics ought to do” (like use the word “ought”). But instead to take what I learned in exploring this faith and holding it close to myself for the past few years and hold it up against the world. Not in a purely evangelical way, but in a way for me to both test myself and go deeper. Deeper into the faith, but also deeper into the world. Deeper into the reality that is there by reexamining it by what I believe is the reality within.

I need to pay attention to the suffering of the world. And really pay attention. Not just read occasional Facebook posts or pick up occasional conversations. I need to care. I need to hurt. I need to tear myself apart with compassion for those who are torn: torn by poverty and hunger, torn by war, torn by hatred and prejudice, torn by loneliness.

I need to take my faith, which answers suffering with love, and through it, answer suffering with love. But in my solitude, in my prayer, I need to take the suffering of the world and hold it up to the God Who is love and ask Him those questions that I’ve been afraid to ask. And only through the grace of enduring hope will I sit and adore Him through the painful silence.

Stayed up to midnight playing with themes and .bash_profile configurations…It’s so pretty. Am I finally a nerdy programmer?!

Stayed up to midnight playing with themes and .bash_profile configurations…It’s so pretty. Am I finally a nerdy programmer?!

For such a cute and pleasant instrument, the ukulele always ends up being my medium for some personal and serious songs.

A song I started writing while I was in Hillsboro, Oregon and finished in my room in San Francisco. It’s about a lot of different things that were on my mind at the time, so I guess it’ll have to end up as one of those up-to-interpretation songs.

Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on us sinners. Mary, Queen of Peace, pray for us.


A pretty crude recording of Late Have I Loved You by Gungor from today’s practice :) But I am super grateful for the chemistry of this new band!~~ ^__^ Excited to play altogether forreals in two weeks!

I hate listening to recordings of myself. But I had a bunch of fun playing with this fresh group of people. Playing in the praise team has always been one of my favorite things about CACCLC and it’s one reason why I keep coming back to this camp I had absolutely no connection to two and a half years ago.

So this is a recording of us practicing a song I’ve always wanted to play and sing; I knew it wouldn’t sound right if I was alone with my guitar. So thank you guys for letting me rock out to a beautiful song and an even more beautiful prayer.

St. Augustine, pray for us.

Find God. In a church, in a tabernacle, in a monstrance. Find him on the altar and on the ambo. Then find him in the windows, the statues, the icons and songs. Find him embracing you in the light that shines through images of His beloved friends, and in the words that men and women have prayed throughout the history of worship.

Find Him in the pews. In the crying child, in the quiet and veiled grandmother, in the young couple, in the lonely teen who strangely found his way here. Find Him in the person who sings beautifully and then that person who sings too loud. Find Him in the reverence of the person who wore their best suit or dress, and then in the kid who didn’t bother at all.

Find Him beyond the doors. In the eyes of the next person who passes your way, in the voice of the person next to you on the bus. In the next person to cut you off on the street and in the next person to beg for spare change on the sidewalk.

Find Him in your family and your friends. In the space between you and those you love, in their sorrow and in their joy. Find Him laughing when they laugh and crying when they cry. Find Him with them when you see them again after years of not talking. Find Him in the ones who just can’t say goodbye.

Find Him in your home, resting with you and eating with you. Find Him in the silence of your room or in the song that you listen to. Find Him when you are alone. Find Him seeing you, hearing you, knowing you, loving you. Find Him deep within, where thoughts and words and images and sounds and allegories and doctrines and philosophies become like straw before the Person Himself. Find Him in you, always.

The Wonderful Inconvenience

of the sudden urge to play guitar at 3:30 AM.

"Some day Love shall claim his own
Some day Right ascend his throne,
Some day hidden Truth be known;
Some day—some sweet day."

— Lewis J. Bates

"The whole concern of doctrine and its teaching must be directed to the love that never ends. Whether something is proposed for belief, for hope or for action, the love of our Lord must always be made accessible, so that anyone can see that all the works of perfect Christian virtue spring from love and have no other objective than to arrive at love."

Roman Catechism, published 1566. (via thehungrycatholic)

"This is the time when we really learn to pray in earnest. For we are no longer proud enough to expect great lights and consolations in our prayer. We are satisfied with the driest crust of supernatural food, glad to get anything at all, surprised that God should even pay the slightest attention. And if we cannot pray (which is a source of concern) yet we know more than ever before how much we desire to pray. If we could be consoled at all, this would be our only consolation.

The man who can face such dryness and abandonment for a long time, with great patience, and ask nothing more of God but to do His holy will and never offend Him, finally enters into pure prayer. Here the soul goes to God in prayer without any longer adverting either to itself or to its prayer. It speaks to Him without knowing what it is saying because God Himself has distracted the mind from its words and thoughts. It reaches Him without thoughts because, before it can think of Him, He is already present in the depths of the spirit, moving it to love Him in a way it cannot explain or understand. Time no longer means anything in such prayer, which is carried on in instants of its own, instants that can last a second or an hour without being able to distinguish one from another. For this prayer belongs less to time than to eternity."

— Thomas Merton

"I’d like to meet. Perhaps I could come up to town some day when you are in town and take you to lunch at the Athenaeum. For I am—oh God that I were not—very free now. One doesn’t realise in early life that the price of freedom is loneliness. To be happy one must be tied."

— C. S. Lewis on the death of his wife, in a letter to Peter Bride.